Dear Mandy, Love Yourself.

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September 28, 2018
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I really wish that I could say that I love my curves and love the fact that I’m different.  That is not the case at all.

All my life, I battled with my weight and honestly have been on a diet since I was eight.  Yes, you read that correctly, since I was eight.

There’s a lot of negativity in the world but the one thing I have to say that I’m a little jealous for our youth today is this movement of self love and accepting all body types…well at least moving in the right direction.

Let me take you back.  I was eight, in Toronto, over weight, and starting showing the signs of depression.  A lot was going on but I made it out alive.  My mom’s good friend took me to Toronto almost every weekend and the would spend majority of weekends at their family gatherings.   I still remember vividly that moment.

Several of the kids that were around my age came up to me and just bursted out laughing at my face.  I started laughing too and then asked what was so funny.  They said that someone picked up a cup and asked who it was.  Their grandmother responded by saying, “It’s the fat girl’s cup.” Guess who she was referring to? Yep, it was me.  An eight year old child that was living her first year of life with divorced parents.  Not the finest hour of my life.

After that moment, it became a blur.  I can’t remember if I cried or just started saying mean things in my mind but that was the start of my unhealthy lifestyle.

Fast forward today.  I think my pain is what drives my creativity.  I would never ask to have a different up bringing.  It’s what made me who I am today.

The month of September, I was traveling and I came home with my head spinning.  I got into complete work mode and I couldn’t stop.  I became overwhelmed and my brain just shut off.  Working is my addiction because I feel like that is the only thing in my life that gives me control.  When I work a lot, I tend to forget about my wellness.

I have decided to apply my work practice and apply it to myself.  As a content creator, I allow people to tap into my life and it has been hard to separate my life with my job.

This week, I had a great conversation with my grandmother who looks amazing for her age! I asked her, what’s her secret.  She said that she takes 15 minutes for herself because if you don’t, stress will creep up and will show in your face.  So genius and simple but why is it hard?

I am so hard on myself.  With my weight, work life, everything.  But I’m proposing something to myself.  I’m going to take at least 15 minutes for myself for 15 days.

For the next 15 days, I am going to take a walk with Sophie. Andy tracked it and he said it would be just under 2 miles.

Typically, I tell myself that I don’t have time. But I found a solution.  Since Florida is too hot during the day, I am just going to do it at night.  We just came back from our walk and I feel a lot better.

The reason why I chose 15 days is because creating long goals are hard to maintain.  To keep myself accountable, I will write a post and reflect.  This is honestly more for me and I would like to share this journey.

If you are ever going through any changes or want to accomplish a new goal, don’t hesitate to reach out and talk to me about it.  I love hearing about other people’s adventures.  Thanks for stopping by.  -Mandy Nicole

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